Written by a real person, not AI.

The most dangerous words a father can ever say are: “I’m too busy”.

This one is for the dads. I’m being stereotypical, because it applies to many moms too. However, in general, it’s typically men that find it easier to put other things before their own children without even realising it. Not necessarily on purpose, but sometimes out of necessity. Or at least that’s what us men tell ourselves in order to negate the feelings of guilt, where we’d rather spend time on the golf course (or even in some cases, at work!) than with our family.

I am such a man. I find things to do because “doing things” makes me feel productive and needed. Whether it’s a car that needs to be washed, or a garden that needs pruning for the spring, or a remote battery that needs replacing, or the tyres that need rotating, or calendars that need planning, or an important work project that needs my input, or a gift that needs buying, or even a book that needs to be read – everything, and I mean everything, distracts me.

Philosophically speaking from my own Christian perspective, I believe this world is set up to distract us at any cost from focusing on the things we should actually be focused on. The world has become so good at distracting us, that so many distractions don’t seem like distractions at all. They seem like good and necessary parts of life that need our time and attention. What wife would complain that her husband is actually mowing the lawn, or replacing those old batteries?

I know many fathers who are great men, and who are admired and respected. Fathers who have a day job that puts bread on the table, and on top of that find the time to serve in other areas. Some of them serve on committees of sports clubs. Some of them sacrifice their time as volunteer firefighters and paramedics. Some of them serve as church elders, or as social or environmental-based community volunteers, getting involved in uplifting projects that improve the lives of others and the world.

I know other fathers who are still great men, but more straightforward. They may not have commitments outside their job and family, but still, they keep themselves ‘busy’. Always productive. Rarely present.

Then we have genuinely lazy, good-for-nothing men who are so selfish that they have convinced themselves that playing Fortnite until 1am (every night) is necessary for their “downtime” and “relaxation” because they “work so hard”.

At one point or another in my life, I myself have been all 3 types of men I’ve described above. The selfless volunteer, saving lives but absent at home. The busy worker, always productive but rarely present with my family. The escapist, hiding behind games, hobbies and excuses.

The one thing that all of these men have in common, myself included, is that we all only have 24 hours available to us each day.

No matter how rich or poor. No matter how hardworking or incompetent.

This brings me to my point. There is a critically important part of fatherhood that every man needs to face up to: You only have a few short years to know your child as a child, because once they become an adult, you’ll know them for the rest of their lives as an adult.

You will NEVER again have your child reach for your hand. You will NEVER again have them climb into bed for a snuggle. You will NEVER again have them run to you in tears after they’ve fallen off their bicycle. You will NEVER again see their face light up just because you’ve walked through the door.

And very likely, you will NEVER again have your child admire you in the same way as they did in their pre-teen years, through innocent eyes, seeing you as their hero and protector instead of the fallen, imperfect man that you actually are.

Just this morning, I reached over to hold my 5 year old’s hand in the car on the drive to school. Something we have done since day one when he was a baby. After about 1 minute, I felt his hand move away. I looked back and said “Oh, don’t you like holding my hand anymore?”, almost as a joke. To which he replied, “I only like holding your hand a little bit now”. Of course, I wanted to quip back: “I’ll remember that tonight when you’re afraid of the dark and want to climb in bed with me.” But, I didn’t say that. Instead I simply sat there with a smile on my face, reminding myself that he still needs me today.

But one day, without warning, he won’t.

One day, he won’t want to hold my hand ever again.

One day, he will wake up and be a man who doesn’t need his father anymore.

The same will happen with my daughter. And the same will happen with your child.

You only have a few short years to teach and truly influence your child to become an amazing human. You only have a few short, precious years to watch your child grow from a baby, to a toddler, to a pre-teen and then into a teenager. After that, they’ll be an adult for the rest of their life. You will never again be able to hold that mischievous little fella, or that sweet little girl.

The earlier you face this reality, the more time you’ll have to give your children an amazing childhood filled with memories of how their father put them first before all else.

Your child does not need you to finish another work project. Your child does not need you to score another hole-in-one. Your child does not need you to become a CEO or president. Your child does not need a quadbike, an Xbox or expensive jewellery.

Your child just needs … you.

Do you want your child to remember you as a “very busy, absent father”? Who was always out helping other people instead of his own family, or always seeking glory on the sports field, or always making excuses as to why “relaxing” with another video game was more important than reading a book to his children?

Your children will hardly remember the expensive things you gave them or the accolades and awards you’ve achieved for yourself. Instead, they’ll remember how you made them feel by either being a present dad OR an absent dad.

So the next time you’re aimlessly scrolling through your phone wasting time, or you’re working late (again), or you’re “just tired at the moment because I’ve had a long day”, I’d like you to remember this:

Your children are begging for your attention now.

One day, even if it’s still a long way off, the tables will turn and you will be begging for their attention.

And they’re either going to say “sorry, I’m busy”, OR they’re going to give you all the respect and attention you crave in your old, golden years.

Jordan Peterson has a litmus test for you to determine if you’ve truly succeeded in your role as a father, which I’ll paraphrase for you:

You lose your child when they grow up — but if you’ve raised them well, you gain them back as a friend.

When you receive a text from your 32 year old son, who is now married with two children of his own, saying: “Hey Dad! Can you and I please get together tomorrow? I want to buy you a beer. Miss you.” Damn brother – you have won at life!

Commit to your children. Don’t wait.

Be the dad today your child will want to have a beer with 20 years from now.

The outcome is in your hands.

If you know someone who needs to read this today, I’m making it your responsibility to share this blog post. Reminders like these have saved my life and my family relationships over the years.

If you are someone who needed to read this today – like I’ve needed to read it – then the outcome is in your hands. Start small, but start today.

Put a genuine, warm smile on your face when you walk through the door at home today as you see your wife and children … it could change everything.

My name is Adrian Marnewick and this blog post is brought to you by WorksheetCloud.com – the easiest way to study for your school exams.